‘Me’gativity and Rs 30..

So here’s the deal.. I’ve known for quite some time that the World is a cynical place.. I’ve known for an even longer time that there exists nothing like “professionalism”.. But there was one thing that I hoped would never diminish.. One thing that I hoped would help the World spin around and give people that glimmer of hope that one does care despite all the anarchy..  That “thing” was Humanity..

And when I write “was”, I mean it 100%.. Every day I keep reading shit on the web that shows horrendous examples in everyday life when people don’t even have the common courtesy to offer a helping hand to people who really want that help.. who really deserve to be helped.. And I l keep blaming them.. I say how can someone be so heartless? How can someone ignore another person’s anguish so calmly and just keep walking? The “Nirbhaya” case is an epitome of what I’m trying to say..

The thing that used to give me solace was the fact that I had this idealistic mindset that made me believe that had I been in the shoes of those people, I would have certainly never acted that way.. I would have gone out of my way to make that person feel better in one way or the other.. I would have offered that person assistance that would have made me smile at the end of day.. It would have made me feel light and ease that heavy burden off my shoulders, which would have otherwise killed me from inside.. That I would have been able to sleep peacefully that night knowing that somewhere someone is happy tonight because of me.. (Even is that happiness was just for a split moment)

But all that changed.. It changed to such an extent that nothing will ever be the same again.. You see what really messes a person’s mind (or shall I say fucks up a person’s mind) are those nonsense news articles that show people being duped while attempting to help other people in need.. It has instilled fear within others that makes one apprehensive and think twice before rushing out to helping someone in need.. Hey.. who wants to get their shirt dirty while trying to help someone whom you don’t even know.. Right?

And you know what the worst part of all this is? Sometimes it’s not even about fear.. It’s about the shame and embarrassment that one would feel if others come to find out that you’ve been duped while attempting to help someone.. That people would laugh at you because someone standing at a red light with a baby and a fake medical receipt in their hand “swindled” 50Rs off you so that they could buy medicines..  That’s the kind of BULLSHIT that the world has to deal with today? Why would someone help others in need when “fear” and “embarrassment” become more important that Humanity itself?

While these thoughts always kept roaming in my mind, I never thought that my life would change to drastic ends due to something that happened to me while on my way to office.

I was about to reach office.. I saw this guy coming from the other side.. There was something about him that intrigued me.. Probably he saw it too.. Maybe he saw that I was intrigued and that’s why he chose me to be his next victim? Ya Right, Anything that I can say to make myself feel better.. But anyway, this guy (who was not dressed shabbily) came up and surprised me by talking in immaculate English, asking for Rs 30..

He said, “Buddy, I really need some help.. I’m literally in Dire Straits right now.. could you spare me Rs. 30? I’ve come from Bangalore and have run into trouble.. I need to catch an Auto to go to my relative’s place in CR Park”.. I was stunned for two reasons.. One, I never expected such a thing happening to me ever.. Two, the guy was speaking perfect English that made me want to believe him..

I asked him, “How’d you run into trouble? Don’t you have an ATM card?”.. He said, “I have an ATM card but it’s cancelled because my Home Loan ran out too long.. I really need some help.. Could you please help me?”… I asked him, “Why don’t you call your relative to come and pick you up?”.. He said, “I don’t have a mobile on me.. I left it with my wife in Bangalore.. I’m really in Dire Straits right now.. Please help me.. All I’m asking for is Rs 30”.. Almost immediately my mind started picturing future situations where I was being laughed at and made fun of by my friends.. I pictured situations where I saw repenting afterwards that how could I be so gullible to let this man take advantage of me..

I told him, “Dude.. Your story is just not convincing.. Better luck next time”.. and I walked away.. I walked away so fast that I didn’t even turn around to look at him.. I kept walking and walking and walking till the time I entered office.. and even then I didn’t turn around.. I felt that he was following me even inside my office.. I felt that while that man was still standing on the road in his physical sense, his soul was actually following me to haunt me for the rest of my life..

I sort of consoled myself.. I told myself that don’t worry bro.. You’re gonna see him tomorrow as well.. He’s gonna be standing right there doing the same old thing.. running the same old play.. following his same old routine.. And then you’ll know that you made the right decision..

It’s been almost a month now.. Everyday while walking from the Metro Station to my office, I hope to run into that man.. I hope to see his face once again.. I hope to see him asking for Rs 30 from some random person on the road..With each passing day, I hope more than ever now.. I hope that I see him in his physical state so that his spirit would stop haunting me at night.. I hope to see him so that I can go back to that “Idealistic” world of mine where I was someone who used to criticize others for not helping people in need rather than being that person myself.. I hope and I hope..

Was Rs 30 really that much for me to compromise with my principles and ethics? Was Rs 30 really that big of an amount for me to kill and bury “Humanity” once and for all? Was Rs 30 really worth me selling my soul to the dark side? Was Rs 30 really the mark where I draw the line between me and morality? Was Rs 30 something so huge that it made me scared of being embarrassed by my friends?

At the end, it was just a paltry mount of Rs 30 that he was asking for.. But for me.. It’s much more than just a number..